are you living someone else’s life?

It was all triggered by something a friend of mine said on Facebook. She was talking about not having any talent, which of course blossomed into a whole conversation as everyone started telling her that she DOES have talent. You know how it goes.

One person suggested modeling and her response was “I can’t do that, my parents wouldn’t like it.” This is what grabbed my attention.

It’s not the first I’ve seen this attitude, this handicap. It seems to be particularly prevalent in religious communities. Parents hold so much control over their kids – or try to – and the kids most often do one of two things. They either go with what their parents want, and live a life that is not theirs and is not what they want, or they rebel and go overkill on doing everything that their parents don’t want.

I’ve seen it time and time again.

Then there is another group. There are the kids who manage to find their own path, what they really want, and who go for it no matter what their parents think. But they don’t do it with a rebellious attitude, just to spite those who told them it was wrong. They do it because they are following their own hearts, their own dreams. They are being true to themselves.

I was lucky to be raised on the mild end of the “religious home” scale. My parents were pretty good at letting me go my own way once I was old enough, and letting me learn what I needed to learn. I was always one who marched to my own beat, who didn’t just settle for a good college education and a good job to pay the bills. I knew there was more and I was on a quest to find it!

I still had to break away a bit when I left Christianity. Moving across the country helped to get me away from the “concerned friends and family”, to get me out of the radar so to speak so I can live the life I choose without being greeted with people who want to get me saved.

It reminds me of an incident when I was home for my brother’s wedding over a year ago. The minister from his church – which I had also been involved with back in the day – asked me when I was going to “come home”. I knew he wasn’t referring necessarily to a physical location, he was speaking spiritually.

My response at the time was something like “I don’t know” and I didn’t know how to respond to him. It’s something I’m still learning – how to respond to what other people think I should do when it doesn’t line up with the path I am traveling. I don’t want to be rude and obnoxious, but at the same time, I do need to stand up for myself and be proud of the great things going on in my life. My response could have been something like, “I have found a wonderful home out in Ontario with the love of my life, where I am flourishing in every aspect of my life.”

One of my theme songs has been Billy Joel’s My Life. It speaks so well what many of us really want to be able to say to those people who try to control and influence with no regard for what is right for me.

I don’t need you to worry for me cause I’m alright
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone.

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
(I never said you had to)
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
(I never said)
I still belong, don’t get me wrong
You can speak your mind
But not on my time

They will tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place
Then they’ll tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it’s okay to wake up with yourself

That is only one aspect of choosing my own path, though. There are still other social influences that expect me to go a certain way, or try to draw me along with them. And there always will be. It’s not exclusive to religion or any other community or category. It’s just a part of life. It’s what I do with it that makes all the difference.

Do I let someone else choose the life I live? Do I rebel and do the opposite just to be different? Or do I listen to my heart, my vision, my intuition, my purpose and blaze a trail that is truly me and changes the world around me?

Related posts:

1. Quirky Entrepreneurs: Tia Singh & Your Life Your Way
2. My Life Changing Community
3. Life Lessons: 4 Things I’ve Learned About Being My Quirky Self
4. living in the moment
5. my real life heroes